Yami Gets Owned
by LaughingDeath77
Summary: Tired of Tea always being bashed by Yami? Here I've switched it up! And who knows what'll happen next, especially with Malik in the picture and a talking lightbulb.......
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh or any of its characters.

...

Yami: How dare you do this to me, mortal! You tempt fate, for it is my DESTINY to-

Tea: Oh come off of it, you so had this coming.

LD: She's right you know. Besides, I could have utterly effaced you from the surface of the earth utilizing the ultimate power of man-eating, zombie creating gigantic pink rabbits but I 'm being merciful.

YOU'RE being ungrateful.

Bakura: Pharoh, your time has come, now you shall taste bitter agony and-

LD: Don't you even start, unless you want your various limbs sprinkled into various black holes in various dimensions. Now let's get started!

........................................................................................................

Once upon a time, in far away Domino city, Yami was about to win another duel. Yippee. Apparently some reincarnation of some sorcerer, doomsday person, or general fanatic felt it was necessary to undo the ancient and unspecified wrongs commited against his generally fanatical incarnation by beating Yami at a children's card game. So basically, it was the plot line of the entire series washed out and reused...yet again.

.

It had been a long and grueling battle. There had been much flapping of the coattails of destruction, and much scandalous flashing of cards. Grown men ran screaming. Pigeons flying overhead fainted. Mothers hustled away their children while covering their poor, burning, innocent eyes.

Through the hideous strain of flapping his tongue, holding up his humongous head of hair, and playing a card game, Yami still stood proud and tall. It was kind of a pity, really. As in most instances, he had started off the duel assured of success, contrived to get backed into a corner, whereupon he lost all sense of being, was cheered on by his buddies- "You go get him, Yug'"-, regained himself and, once more in mind of his destiny, was on the verge of playing thefinal winning card. Bakura spewed profanities from the background, Ishizu mumbled arcane words over her glowing necklace, Pegasus was sucking the face of his pointy haired employee(couldn't resist lol), Kaiba sneered as Mokuba professed to not understanding for the third time, Joey and Tristan yelled supportive and incoherent nonsense while performing a nauseating dance, and Tea had just about had it.

.

"And so", proclaimed Yami while gesticulating in obscene and unnecessary ways, "I win yet again, having put my faith in the Heart of the cards and my destiny which is so much better than y-"

"Just drop it!" shrieked Tea. Bakura choked, Ishizu's necklace exploded, Pegasus pushed away his employee, screaming "I'm not gay or fabulous!", Kaiba swooned while Mokuba still did not understand, Joey and Tristan hugged in fright, Yami's hair curled, and somewhere far away the Grim Reaper accidentally dropped his scythe and obliterated half a country.

.

"I-I'm sorry," stammered the apalled Yami. "What?"

.

Tea released an unladylike snort. " You heard me! Yami, I respect you as a person devoted to justice, or at least your notion of it, I'm not sure that inflicting mental damage on people over games is quite justified, but you know what I mean.

I also love you as my friend, but seriously! How many times are you going to preach about the same thing! And kind of a fucking ridiculous thing too! I mean, what the heck? It's a game that you're supposed to win through intellect, not by

hoping some Heart will do all the damn work for you! And if it does, isn't that cheating? Besides, you are completely incapable of admitting yourself to be wrong, even though many times you have been. Lastly, you behave as though

everything can be solved by card games! Children's card games! Well, newsflash, cards don't cure cancer, or solve marital issues, they certainly haven't worked on Kaiba's ego or Bakura's homicidal tendencies, and they obviously don't

help with stupidity because if they did then maybe you would get a clue and a life!"

.

Tea's heavy breathing was very audible in the ensuing silence, partly because nobody else was breathing. Gaping like a fish, Yami sort of kind of fainted.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! This is brilliant!" Predictably, Bakura recovered first. "This is just too rich," he wheezed. "The Pharoh's most faithful and brainless wench taking him down in under a minute!" Once more, he

dissolved into hysterics. He even collapsed onto the ground in his fit, and thus remained oblivious to a ticked off Tea striding over to him, at least until she jerked him to his feet.

"What do you think is so hilarious, you pitiful ball of slime?" Her voice was utterly glacial. Penguins began to migrate to Domino, and Seto Kaiba, just woken up, swooned again from the shock of hearing a voice more frigid than his.

"I might be mortal in comparison to your nigh invulnerability, and I know most of the time I resemble a friendship drunk goody-goody, but at least I'm spared having a vendetta against a guy whose uncle was to blame, and at least I don't run around mutilating people as a hobby!"

.

Bakura sneered. "You make the latter sound as though it were a bad thing, you pitiful, worthless, weak-"

Tea unleashed an almighty scream. "WEAK THIS, YOU MAN B!!" And with that resounding cry of righteous and poetic indignation, Tea personally introduced her leg, incredibly strong through all her dancing practice, to Bakura's... nether regions.

Needless to say, he wasn't walking for a week.

With a huff, Tea stalked off, muttering something about senile spirits, soothing drinks, and giant pink bunnies, leaving the others gawking after her slack-jawed.

Nobody noticed the motorcycle that pulled away from the curb of the closest street. Watching the fuming brunette, Malik's lips quirked into a smile. 'How interesting...'

.....................................................................

LD: What do you think?

Bakura: I think you're dead, LD, well and thoroughly dead.

Tea: Says the thousands of years old spirit.

Bakura: How dare you-

Tea: More easily than your puny and nonexistant brain ca concieve, that's how.

Anyways, should I leave this a oneshot, or turn it into a story? Please leave your input, Yami needs some serious help! (But didn't he always?)


	2. Chapter 2

LD: I do not own YuGiOh or any of it's characters.

Bakura: D straight you don't!

Tea: -pimp-ed slaps Bakura- and there's more where that came from you sour cream puff!

LD: Thank you Tea, and now let the show commence!

...

Tea sighed as she slammed the door to her small compartment. Sighing, she leaned on the small counter of the dingy kitchen. She had recently left home after her parents had become increasingly unsupportive of her dream to dance. Althoiugh it

meant she had to keep an illegal part time job in order to pay the rent, she found the liberty was worth it. Now she could do all kinds of things without anyone butting in. Speaking of which...

Blue eyes burned with excitement, and a devious smirk twisted her lips. Clutched to the dirty window on the far side of the room, Bakura-still unable to walk, turned a pleasant color of puce with envy. Tea leapt across the crumbling tile floor to a red

wooden door that led to her bedroom. Dark and cramped, she had nevertheless manged to incorporate some personalized touches into the tiny space. A pink fluffy comforter might be a tad... overbearing, but it definately represented her. Various pictures

somewhat redeemed the cracked walls. As a finishing touch, the naked lightbulb had a smiley face imprinted on it in permanent marker. She had dubbed it Bartley. Every single time she entered the room, Tea held a silent conversation with Bartley.

This time it went something like this:

Tea sighed. 'Hi Bartley.'

Bartley smiled, because that was Bartley's only expression. 'Greetings, unilluminated being dwelling within my radiance.'

Somewhat offended, Tea scowled. Bartley had never been so cocky before Bakura had turned her house into a portal to the Shadow Realms as part of a "science project."

Bartley smiled, but a smirk was detctable in the way he spoke. 'Bad day, unenlightened, electrically deficient being?'

Tea glowered. One eyebrow twitched. 'Don't make me replace you, immobile sphere of transitory light. I totally burned out with Yami and the others, and don't even get me started on Bakura...'

Bartley smiled, but developed a pink tint to its glow. 'You saw Bakura today? Was he as divinely sparky as usual, or have the currents of electricity in him become even more palpable? What I wouldn't give to be shortcircuited by that fine piece of...'

Almost retching, Tea remembered belatedly that Bartley adored Bakura ever since his- she sneered- science project. 'Yes, I saw him,' she snapped. 'I kicked him you know where.'

After a long, infuriated pause-where in he was still smiling, Bartley blinked out with an angry pop. Left in the darkness, Tea hyperventalited with fury, then responded like any normal, sane person would.

Still holding onto the window outside her apartment, Bakura fell three floors down as a yell shook the foundations. "FG LIGHTBULB!!" Bakura, needless to say, was now not only incapable of walking, but was now incapacitated beyond the point of standing too.

Wearily, the brunette flopped down on her bed. What a day...and she still had a job to attend! But first to take care of a few anger issues. Her slender hand groped about beneath her bed. Finally locating what they sought, her fingers extracted a medium sized pink, bejewled box. Though she couldn't see it, she smiled at the inscription on the top reading: Tea's Posesssions. She herself had inscribed the sloppy words back in third grade. Humming, she picked up the box and glided out into the main room again.

After casting about for a place to perch the pink enigma, she sighed as she settled for plopping it down on the scarred counter. There simply was no other place for it, aside from the floor. As financially pressured as she was, Tea had not the resources to purchase any furniture. Tea pushed a mental ignite button and observed as, within her head, the dismal thought blew itself to smithereens. She grinned. As much as she might-and vehemently did- deny it, Bakura had quite the impact on people, including to some extent herself. Taking off her shoe, she dug a key from beneath the sole and unlocked the glittery box. She pulled out several objects. One was a blowup of something very pointy, another was an air-pump, and the remaining one was, ominously enough, a lead club. One really had to wonder how she managed to cram so much in a single container. The apartment soon reverberated with the squeals of the air-pump. FIve minutes later, she had finished. Taking a step back, she picked up the club and smashed it directly in the face of a blow-up Yami.

Several miniature earthquakes and explosions later, Tea smiled peacefully at the mangled, deflated version of her friend. So, she mused as she slipped out the front door and locked it, I might have to have a part time job, but the freedom is definately worth it.

She made sure to tread on the twitching form of Bakura as she continued on her way to work.

Malik pulled up into apartment building where he now resided, still preoccupied with the implications of what had transpired. Miss Friendship ticked at the Pharoh? He snorted. None of them had ever thought to see the day. Not even Ishizu had predicted this.

He smirked. His poor sister was probably unable to comprehend how her powers had been unable to provide her knowledge about this little twist.

Of course, his poor sister also could not forsee that he would move out of the house and into this decomposing building.

In fact, his sister still didn't know that he had moved out. She'd probably discover in just about two minutes.

Malik dug into his duffelbag and pulled out a walkie-talkie. Its' match was strategically positioned by the note he had left on his bed. Holding his breath, Malik waited. About a minute left.

Vaguely, the sound of a door opening transferred through the speakers.

"Malik?" inquired a lofty, I've-just-been-struck-in-the-head female voice. Only forty-five seconds left now.

Fighting to restrain a cackle of most vicious glee, Malik could just picture Ishizu as she, confused but not showing it, strode over to the bed loftily. Paper rustled on the other end. Twenty-five seconds remained. Ten, nine- Malik held the walkie-talkie far away

from his face-three, two-

"RA TAKE YOUR FG SOUL, MALIK!!"

Trembling, the teenager hurriedly turned off the device and then roared with laughter until he almost fainted.

As he recovered from his hysterics, he noticed Miss Friendship herself trotting down the stairs from the apartment buildings. Quickly, he ducked behind his bike. He and the Pharoh were still on shaky terms, and he didn't want him to become a complication.

What was her business there, anyways? His eyes narrowed as he noticed that she descended from the level his apartment was on. However, he decided, it was probably a mere coincidence. There were several other apartments on that level; perhaps she

visited a friend or such there.

Despite his lingering misgivings, Malik couldn't hold back an approving smile as she treaded over the prone form of Bakura.

...

How was it? I'm sorry, but I really am most excruiatingly inept when it comes to humor. If you have any suggestions, please feel free to contribute.

I hoped you enjoyed it, and thank you for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Bakura: LD, you are treading the edge of a scorpion pit.

LD:Bakura, your name is three syllables.

Bakura: ......WTF does that have to do with anything?

LD: More than your pitiful brain will ever comprehend, my friend. Hit it Tea!

Tea: LD77 does not own YuGiOh or any of its plots or characters.

...............................................................................

Malik waited until Bakura had crawled away before emerging from his hiding place. Still somewhat bemused, he chuckled. Since when did Miss Friendship girl have violent tendencies?

Throwing his single bag over his shoulder, he trotted up the stairs to his door. After rummaging around in his pocket for a moment, he produced a key which he inserted into the door of his new home.

He then turned the handle and pulled. The door didn't open. He grimaced, and then yanked on the door harder. Still no results. With a sigh, he plopped down his bag, twisted the knob, and hauled back with both his hands.

Aside from some grating noises, the door emitted no indication of being affected in the least. Although, Malik considered, it did seem to be rather smug. He grimaced as the words of the landlord returned to him.

He had finally decided to live in these departments, and had gone promptly to the landlord to get his key, sign the forms, and make a down payment. He snickered as he imagined the wrath of his older sister when she learned he had acquired the money by selling certain....family heirlooms. Stepping into the office, he had a blissful smile on his face as he envisioned the puce-tinted face of suck-ups-to-stupid-pharoh united poster girl, aka his sister.

Malik had most certainly not anticipated to be returned to reality by a green glowing Martian. Good thing, then, he wasn't. However, what did snare his attention was the wad of tabacco spit landing directly on his face.

Seated before him was a humongous atrocity passing off for a human male. And it had just spat in his face. Malik found himself yearning for the Millennium Rod, or at the very least its knife.

The excuse of a man looked up at him through piggy eyes and belched. Drops of spittle flew like dandelion seeds, only this was a lot more disgusting. Then the bloated thing opened its mouth, and the situation declined rapidly.

"Hey pretty girl," slurred the man. "What you doin' 'ere?" Malik stared at him. And stared. And stared. And stared. And stared. And stared. And finally...

"YOU F*****G MANB***H!!!!!" In the next few minutes, the obese fellow redefined his opinion of the words 'extreme torment.'

"S-So, you want a-an apartment?" the man's lips were both split, and he had a pillar of lumps on his head to contest the leaning tower of Pisa. Both his eyes were blackened, and four of his teeth were strewn across the floor. Malik flashed his best smile.

"Yes, that is my wish." Rather conspicuously, he flexed his arms and popped his knuckles. The landlord"s eyes bulged nigh out of their sockets.

"S-Sure thing, sir. Here's your key and contract, and you can have the apartment for free if you want, because those regulation morons declared it inhabitable. One lousy infestation of toxic mould, and they start........"

Malik winced as the man's spit flew, and then as it settled for dribbling down his chin as he began muttering under his breath.

Conspicuously, Malik cleared his throat. Startling, the man smiled sheepishly- Malik wanted to gag- and tossed him the key and papers. Malik raised one sculpted brow on his unbelievably hot, smexy, face- far away at her job, Tea suddenly felt like retching- and

grinned. The old geezer really was handing the exclusive rights to the apartment over to him for free! Hastily scrawling down his signature, he chucked the papers back at the lump and nodded a polite farewell.

"Oh by the way," spittle was catapulted forth once more, and Malik grimaced in horror. "The stuff around your place might get a bit temperamental with ya'. Sometimes, it almost seems like the building has a mind of its own. This one girl claims her light bulb talks to 'er, even."

Malik's entire back was coated with spit. With a dignified, polite smile, he turned to face the man and said calmly, "If that is so, then she should be joining you in rehabilitation, no?" Then he slammed the door, found a sizable rock, and with an expression of utmost glee wedged the door shut.

Glaring at his apartment door, Malik supposed its refusal to open was part of what the man had been referring to. He nailed the obdurate fixture with a piercing glare.

"We can do this the easy way, or the hard way," he smiled. "BUT DAMNNIT YOU ARE GOING TO OPEN!"

With an animalistic roar, he braced both feet on the walls to either side of the door, and utilized all his strength in pulling backwards. Imagine his surprise when the door opened without a hitch, and he went flying over the two story railing.

Verbally, his surprise was expressed something like this: "MOTHERF*****G RA CURSED PIECE OF SHIT!!!" But enough about that.

Eventually, he limped his way back up the stairs. With a final glower at the door, he entered his apartment.

He almost turned around and walked back out.

..........................................................................................................

Deep, deep underground, farther than the sewer systems, past even where moles would dare to dig, basically, so deep that no one with brains would bother digging a secret lair for no purpose other than to suit a whim, there was a secret lair constructed for no reason at all than a whim. And it was here that Bakura was doing a little soul-searching.

He bit one lip. As much as he detested admitting it, after 5000 years spent in the pursuit of vengeance(against the wrong person), someone had suceeded in his plae, and they had done it in the space of five minutes. And it was a non-Egyptian. And it was a non-Egyptian girl. And the sky was blue. And flowers were pretty and carnivorous. And Kaiba was a robot from Pluto in league with the invading goldfish!

Bakura smirked. He was a genius. Laughter filled the cavernous space. Miles away above ground, Ryou paused as his Dark's riotous glee filled his puffy head. Shoulders slumping, the poor boy continued; he sometimes wondered if Bakura should be allowed to think at all.

..............................................................................................................

Tea really wanted to sink into the ground. While she was painfully aware of her need for money, this job demeaned her beyond all belief. It wasn't as though she was violated in any way, but it certainly came close.

She worked part time at a bar as a maid. The pay, notably average, still exceeded what she would have made elsewhere.

However, the downsides of the job included a skimpy uniform and wandering hands of many of the customers. She suppressed a shriek of outrage as one of said hands pinched her bottom.

With a vein protruding from her forehead, she turned and politely asked, "May I take your order, sir?"

The lecherous slob smirked. "How much does a little cutie like you cost, now?"

A million Bakuras died inside her head in various gruesome ways.

Still smiling she replied "I'll thank you to keep your orders from the menu, sir!"

The man wiped some drool off his chin. "Please," he slurred. "Call me PaPa."

The people here just did not pay her enough.

................................................................................................................

HeHe, third chapter. I apologize for how late it is; I am deplorably lazy.

My parents are getting divorced, so my dad can no longer come home. I'm sorry, I just needed to let that out. I fear I rather don't care much anyways.

If you have any suggestions or feel the desire to comment, please do so! Love you guys!


	4. Chapter 4

LD:Hi there!

Tea: 'Sup?

LD:^_^ Nothing much.... why is Bakura trying to give you a bouquet of live scorpions?

Tea: (hits Bakura over the head) Darned if I know!

LD: O_o O..K, well I do not own any of YuGiOh's original plot or characters.

Bakura: (stng soulfully at Tea) But you own everything else right?

LD: (punt kicks him into orbit) Darn right!

.....................................................................

Yugi's Grandpa sighed as he worked the flood pump.

There had not always been a flood pump, because there had not always been need for such a mechanism. But in recent times it had become a necessity, ever since-

"WHY MEEEEEEE? I WAS A GOOD PHAROH, I ALWAYS TRIED MY HARDEST, AND I DID'NT MEAN IT WHEN I SENT SETH'S BOOKS TO THE SHADOW REALM-"

"Yugi!" snapped the old man as his grandson came rushing into the house after school. "Is there any alternative to this?" Yami's tones roared on. "JUST LIKE I DIDN'T INTEND TO SEND HIS CLOTHES THERE-"

Yugi smiled apologetically. "I'm sure he'll calm down in a matter of time. Maybe he just needs some alone time to-" "OR WHEN I TELEPORTED HIS TOYS THERE-"

"Think things over." Yugi finished lamely.

"OR THE TIME I LEFT SETH HIMSELF THERE-" Yugi and his Grandpa stared disbelievingly up the stairs. An image of Kaiba, cold and emotionally stunted, did a tap dance in their brains. Unanimously, a thought ran through them. 'That explains a lot.'

"AND ACCIDENTALLY FORGOT HIM THERE FOR A MONTH!!" A frigid wind blew. Yugi assumed the pumping job, as his Grandpa twitched on the ground. "You know," he said to thin air-his bestest buddy before the others came, "I am starting to wish Tea had kicked Yami too."

.....................................

Sluggishly, Tea made her way back to her dingy apartment, aka D.A.. She leaned over like a hunchback, and every step seemed to demand singular effort from her.

When she finally came into sight of the complex, her sigh of relief was audible. She dragged her weary body up the stairs, fumbled for keys, and entered her self maintained home.

She stared at it for a while, still poised in the doorway. This was hers. This was all that was hers. Unwittingly, she bit her chapped lower lip. She didn't want to be superficial or selfish, but......

The kitchen was tiny. The entire place was tiny, and it was dirty. She barely had any food. She had several pages of homework to do, and it was already 10:50 PM. She had a job where she recieved minimal, if any, respect and low wages. And she had just alienated most of her precious friends.

Splashes of moisture dampened her fisted hands. More disinterestedly than anything, Tea stared at her own tears as more showered down from her blue eyes. Shutting the door, she slumped down against it and let them fall.

...............................................................................................

When Malik woke, he just knew the day would not be inclined in his favor. Maybe it originated from his recent shift of abode, maybe it had to do with the clump of neon fungi in the corner ogling him.

However, Malik mused as he eased himself up, it most probably came from the dream he had concerning Mr. Fabulous himself, Pegasus, and a pink frilly dress.

With the taste of bile in his mouth, he readied a meager breakfast.

..................................................

Just a wall away, Tea roused from her slumber, still crouched against the door. For some reason, the morning seemed especially beautiful to her. Tears burdened the soul; they left her, and left her a lot lighter. With a cheerful glide to her step, she spun about her diminutive domain.

So, sure the accomodations were cramped, the provisions low, the work piled high, and dirt proliferating by the second. Mid-plie, Tea gazed on it with emotion dappling her orbs. It was hers. As ever throughout history and evidenced even now, each breath embodies the ability to change and to cause such.

Rose tinted in their grogginess, sunbeams plundered the rooms normal dreariness and converted it into a possibility.

With a deep cup of air caught in her lungs, Tea promised herself: I can do this.

........................................................................

Bakura woke in his room, and he didn't really think anything, but that's all for the best, right?

Hearing the vegetative silence emanating from his Yami's room, Ryou smiled in relief and attended to the eggs in the frying pan. After all, it truly was a pleasant alternative from the usual expletives and death threats against Yami, pigeons, deer, squirrels,

and basically anything capable of moving.

Trying futilely to stifle a grin on his lips, Ryou recalled the time they had been examining amoebas in science class. Bakura had been fine with the single celled organisms- until discovering they moved, whereupon, he permanently relocated all the specimens in their classroom to the Shadow Realm-along with the very expensive microscopes. It had been a close thing to get him to retrieve them. However, no amount of cajoling could persuade him to bring back the poor amoebas.

Saddening, Ryou shed a sympathetic tear for them. It slid down his angelical face, pausing slightly on his plush, perfect lips, which happened to be exceedingly ticklish. The end result was a sneeze of which his cooking eggs bore the full brunt.

"Oh bugger."

..........................................................................

With a dismal air, Malik fortified himself for the torment of school. As a distinct possibility of Isis being there nagged at his brain, he also erected stout bulwarks against his certain reencounter with the Pharoh, and possibly the truculent Bakura.

Still, it came to him that all this pondering simply made him more trepidatious of what was to come, and had not the power to impact the outcome of things.

Heavily reisigned, he shouldered his bag, swatted aside some of the mold creeping over the door, and opened it. Or, at least, he tried to. He rattled the handle once, he rattled it twice. For good measure, he rattled it three times. The only result manifested through his rising ire.

"YOU STUPID DOOR!! SO HELP ME I WILL F*****G UNHINGE YOU!!"

He groaned. This recent obstruction could really trash his intentions: His first day in a new school, and he had intended to portray himself as a well-mannered student-not a slacking hoolegin.

Malik resigned himself to clambering through one of the windows when a delicate voice spoke from the other side of the door.

"Excuse me," Tea called. "But do you require any assistence? I heard some rather obscene yelling and thought I'd see what was up. After all, I guess we are neighbors, so we should be friends!"

Darkness swirled in Malik's vision. Oh Ra, he moaned internally, not another friendship preacher! Outwardly he said:

"Could you please try opening the door? I'm certain it is unlocked, but it refuses to open for me." He shot a glare at the offensive structure.

Tea placed her bookbag down with a thump and a giggle. "I see you've found that objects in this complex can be a tad tempermental. Don't worry, if you name them and become friends, they tend to be much more obliging."

Great, Malik brooded, more friendship. Moodily, he poked a green clump inching past his scruffy black shoes.

"In the meantime," Tea obliviously continued. "Try being polite. Generous door, would you be benevolent enough to open for me?" Seperated by said door, Malik manfully suppressed a gag. 'The Pharoh's spiky hair that's gonna work!'

The door pondered for a bit, and then aquisced to Tea's plea. After all, she was pretty cute-for an animate being, anyway.

To Malik's eternal- and secretly shameful- astonishment, the door swung open smoothly.

"By the way," the annoying voice persisted as its owner stepped in. "My name..is.....Tea."

The supposedly friendship-obsessed girl gawked at the before-posessed boy, who was probing mutant mould.

"Um..you have green stuff on your face," Tea whispered, and dropped down to the floor.

............................................................................................................................................................................

Wow, my first cliffhanger. Please leave any comments you'd care to, and look out for Bakura's change in perspective-coming up soon!


	5. Chapter 5

LD: I do not own YuGiOh.

Bakura: Thank Ra for that...

LD:Shove it you dessicated imbecilic maniac!

Bakura:^_^ Why thank you!

LD: -_-u

..........................................................

Tea gawked at Malik. Malik returned the stare while frozen in the act of poking a mutant mold, which appeared to be slowly eating his finger. Blue into violet gazed, and both owners of the eyes were utterly synchronized in their emotions: entirely flabbergasted.

"You live here?" Malik breathed in incredulous horror.

"You're my new neighbor?" Tea gasped.

"Oh my Ra!" swore Malik, rising to his feet. The mutant mold, still devouring his finger, rose with him. Greatly agitated, Malik paced the floor, muttering furiously under his breath. Tea's eyes narrowed suddenly.

"Listen you!" Malik directed. "You are not to tell anyo-" He was cut off by the ringing sound of Tea's fist against his cheek.

"WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!" he bellowed. Tea stared at her bruised knuckles in growing terror. "You're actually here..." she whispered with growing anger.

"YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE I'M HERE!!!" Lunging forward, she seized him by his coat and shook him fiercely. Malik felt his organs vibrate, and the mold, obdurately eating his finger, began to feel nauseous.

"Nobody knows about this but my parents and Bakura, and nobody else can know about it, and-HOLY S**T MALIK! That green blob is eating you!" All eyes riveted on the mold, who, thoroughly sick to his digestive track, fell from Malik's finger and to the floor,

where it regurgitated its most recent meal. Tea's head swiveled from the bleeding wound on Malik's finger to the mold and back. Malik examined the partially digested bits of his finger queasily.

The next moment:

"OWW!!"

Both of them had attempted to kill the unwitting mold through the very professional act of stomping, and predictably, had a deadly case of 'friendly fire'. Being faster, Tea's stockinged foot had made it there just in time to be smashed by Malik's considerably larger and booted one. Tea was furious, Malik was doomed, and the mold oozed out from beneath their feet and continued on its implacable, neon green way.

"Oh owwww," Tea groaned as she cradled the appendage to her chest-a remarkable feat of flexibility in itself. "I don't know how I'll dance with this, much less do my job.." Job? That was a surprise. Malik raised his eyebrows inquisitively. First Miss Friendship blows it at Yami and Bakura, then she divulges that she's living here without anyone but her parents and the aforesaid Bakura knowing, and now she's got a job?

"Oi, Miss Friends- um, er, I," he cowered at the glare he was currently subject to. "I- well- Let me take a look at that foot."

Tea bit her lip and slitted her eyes. "Why should I?"

Malik glowered, and then without a word reached out and grabbed it. He smirked at her, clearly conveying an unsaid 'That's why', before turning his attention to her aching foot. Prying the sock off, he noted it had not one, but three holes in it. Tea blushed as he pinned her with a curious stare.

"My parents aren't exactly...supporting my move here." Malik took another glance at the ragged sock. "I see."

Her foot had already swelled considerably. Malik ran his fingers lightly over the darkening bruises, only to hear a long hiss of breath. Glancing up at Tea, he saw her eyes were screwed shut and she had bit down on her lower lip until it bled. When she caught him looking though, Tea quickly forced her features into neutrality. "What?" she inquired in a tone that, while intended to be lofty, emerged strained.

Malik shook his blonde head and returned to his inspection. He couldn't help but feel guilty; he too understood the trials of independence, and from what he had gleaned the brunnette had it worse than him. Additionally, he couldn't help but respect her ability to withstand pain and the clear priorities he knew from past experience she upheld. Unfortunately, that only enhanced his guilt.

"Wait here," he muttered. He stood and walked briskly towards his bedroom. His unpacked bag lay on the floor, and he rummaged through it in pursuit of the bandages he brought.

Meanwhile, Tea and the mold stared at her foot. Tea did so out of startlement at Malik's behavior; the mold because it thought her foot looked rather tasty.

'He's being so nice..' Tea dazedly marveled. 'Well, I knew he had turned over a new leaf, I guess I still haven't let go of the whole mind possession deal..'

Having found the bandages, Malik returned and, turning his nose up at the mold, commenced wrapping her foot.

"Tea," and later she would remember this-the first time he said her name since the last time they met. "Nobody knows I am living here either."

She blinked, and he continued.

"I have nothing against you, and I hope that you have nothing against me. I will not tell anyone of you living here, as long as you reciprocate the favor."

He smiled lightly, tightly, pained, and her eyes gravitated wonderingly to this person who she knew and knew nothing of.

"I want to start again." And those words were simple, but Tea could empathize; her life had been headed into incongruity, monotony, tumbling into the depression that poisons the breath as you drift into sleep.

And of course, she would never turn away a new friend.

"Welcome, neighbor!" Tea smiled brightly at Malik; hesitantly he returned the expression.

Thoroughly repulsed, the mold went home before it shriveled. As it inched away, it pondered the advantages of stocking up on sunblock, shades, or simply moving in with the mushroom in the venting system- a very amiable but distant relation.

......................................................................................................

Hey, sorry this is so late! I took the SAT today; it was so much fun!

I love all of you, and any comment is welcome! I can't wait for Christmas break.....


	6. Chapter 6

LD:So........hehehe!

Bakura: O__o#

Tea: -_-#

LD:I'm sorry it's been so long! I really really am, and I'm especially sorry to all my readers who actually put up with my impunctuality and-

Bakura: MORTAL!!! Desist already!

Tea: Nothing dealing with the original YGO series is LD's....

...........................................................................................................................................................

In the gates enclosing Domino High, two mysterious figures stood, obscured by the strangely dusty wind. Around their necks, Millennium gold gleamed, shining through the whirlwind.

It was a very somber scene. And then there was a cough.

Bakura glared at Ishizu as he threw another empty flour bag to the side of the enormous fans set up behind the school wall. Impassively, Ishizu handed him another bag.

"Is this -coughcough- really necessary?" he growled as he began sprinkling its contents into the machine generated wind.

Ishizu stared endlessly into the distance-or rather, all the distance you can get when there's a McDonald's right across the road.

"....Yes." she finally replied.

Bakura, distinctly whiter than usual, voiced his resentment in hacking choking noises.

...................................................................

Tea limped to the door with Malik a few paces behind her.

"Thanks for helping me," she chirped halfheartedly.

Getting the door for her, Malik snorted. "Even though it was my fault?"

Tea smiled uneasily, suddenly feeling awkward. Crossing the few feet to her own door, she turned back to him. "So...will I see you at school?"

Malik shrugged. "Probably."

They stood there for a few moments as the silence enveloping them became more and more disturbing. Sighing, Malik decided he ought to try to ease the accumulating tension: she had been very nice to him before, all things considered. Drawing in a breath, he prepared himself to take responsibility of the conversation while grimacing inwardly.

"Malik!" Suddenly Tea's blue eyes were burning into his. "We are compatriots now. We live in the same complex, er, well, technically we live next door. Our lives bear similar circumstances, and I think-" her eyes dropped once, then centered on him again.

She started to reach for his hand, but settled instead for clasping his shoulder.

"I think we're both looking for something of the same thing." She smiled at him, and before her eyes closed he espied the tears gathering within.

"So, I will look out for you! I'll see you at school, Malik!"

And the next he knew, he was blinking in stupefication at a shut door with the after image of her blinding smile stuck behind his eyelids.

............................................................................................

"Is this really Really REALLY necessary?!!!" Bakura screamed as he waved around a hundred pound bag of flour.

Ishizu sneezed. "Ra bless you." he muttered.

Solemnly, the odd garbed female blinked down at the gargantuan mounds of flour covering her knees.

"I think," she enunciated slowly. "This might be enough to answer fate's calling."

Without any vacillation, Bakura flung the remainder of the enormous bag at the McDonald's and chucked a burning torch in afterwards. Believe it or not kiddies, flour is an explosive. Silently, the pair stood side by side, unmoved by the ensuing chaos. Then Ishizu tilted her head, regarding Bakura with poorly concealed curiosity.

"Did you pull that torch out of your a**?"

............................................................................................................

Barely able to go on, Malik wobbled on his feet. Never in all his tormented years had there been such agony and torment in him. His breath came in compulsive gasps; his purple eyes bulged in desperation.

Tea was jabbering his ear off.

He honestly had no earthly clue how one person could produce such excessive noise in the pretense of a single conversation. Beneath his gaze, the ground spun in dizzying circles. He truly did not know if he was going to make it.

Beside him, Tea smiled rapturously at the blue sky, before gushing about how wonderful this morning was, and oh! some flowers, and weren't those rapid possums just adorable?!

Malik's eye twitched as she extended her arms to said possums. Their mouths frothed like soap bubbles in a washing machine. Tea reached closer and closer..... Malik's eye twitched again.

"Come on." He reached down and yanked her away by the arm. "We're going to be late." Behind him, the possum's eyes gleamed with sudden malice.

Still being tugged along by him, Tea blinked her eyes twice, then smiled.

"Hey, did I tell you about that one time I was late and-"

Malik thought he was going to cry.

...................................................................................................................

"So." Bakura gazed at Ishizu from the corner of his eyes. "Why exactly are we here?"

"I presumed such would be obvious Bakura; else why did you accompany me?" Ishizu loftily retorted.

Indignantly, Bakura flared up. "You know damn well why I'm here." His eyes smoldered like the embers of the conflagration he had ignited only moments earlier. He snarled, and a delicate fang glittered, sharp as the knives he carried.

"Ah.." Ishizu said. "I'm afraid you'll have to refresh my memory; I had a hangover this morning."

Bakura snorted, muttered some inarticulate phrases, and chucked another thing of flour at the burning McDonalds. Feeling somewhat sated, he swept his white locks from his forehead.

"Can't you just use that necklace?" Ishizu stared dreamily at the flames. "Nope." She giggled and tapped the side of his head, only to draw back her fingers quickly; the bat wings sprouting from his head had assaulted her.

Slowly, the battle-hardened robber -and yes, he was still tough even if Ryou could get him to do anything with just a sentence....Ok a word.......Fine, a glance- edged away from the slight woman beside him.

"Are you sure you aren't still drunk?"

Ishizu shot him a look that would have sent Egypt into an Ice Age......then quickly hid a delirious smile and hiccup.

.................................................................................................................................

Yugi was confused. This condition held familiarity for him, but right now that fact failed to console him. So, rather rigidly, he continued walking to school in clothes that blatantly defied the dress code but were never questioned by the teachers, and endeavored to ignore the cringing Yami hiding behind him and the waves of malice that the normally docile Ryou exuded.

"That- That bat-haired bastard.." growled the white haired boy. "He took every last bag of flour in the whole darn house...." The street lights they passed combusted one by one as the dark energy around him spiked. Yugi resolved not to make any sudden moves, and Yami's lower lip began to tremble.

Ryou halted and tilted his mournful head to the heavens. "I just wanted to make some muffins!" He screamed out. Yugi awkwardly laid a hand on his shoulder and struggled not to wince as all glass work in their vicinity shattered. Behind him, Yami sobbed in silent terror.

Patting Ryou with one hand and Yami with the other, Yugi sighed internally. Yup, I really miss Tea now, he decided. After all, she might be preppy and pink-loving, but it was nice to have someone else around to help you comfort your psychotic friends. Come to think of it, her optimism was probably the only thing keeping both of them sane. In these parts, that was a pretty rare mental condition. Glancing to either side of himself, Yugi could clearly understand why.

Yami's legendary tears had already formed a puddle around their feet, and Yugi absentmindedly wondered whether he could strike a deal with a desalination company: Yami for some peace of mind. Of course, such a thought could be only considered horrible and nasty... but then you aren't the one who had to sleep on the roof due to, shall we say, indoor leaking.

.................................................................................................................................

"Bakura," Ishizu spoke with genuine solemnity. "You do remember why you desired to crush Yami, correct?"

With customary inelegance, he snorted. "Seeing as five thousand years transpired with me dreaming of it every moment, yes."

The rising sun slightly illuminated his bitter smile. "Five thousand years, and then I discover the one who I truly hated was long dust. He ordered the massacre of my village, and in the end, time theived from me, the Theif King, the only compensation I craved: his life."

With unnameable emotion wrought into her face, Ishizu stared into the sky. "Yes," she enunciated slowly. "But what did you stand to gain by crushing the spirit of Millenium Puzzle?"

Absolutely aghast, Bakura gawked at her as he realized the implications of his answer and what had recently occurred. His calculating eyes, usually crafty and composed, had flown wide, the shutters to his emotion unlatched.

"The power of Pharoh," he murmured. "I would have had the power of Pharoh.... you can't possibly be implying that-"

"While in a most unsophisticated manner, Tea Gardner defeated Yami." Ishizu smoothly interupted, black hair swaying about her face, highlighting her cold eyes.

"Tea Gardner is the new Pharoh, Queen of Egypt."

........................................................................................................

So, and do be honest, how many of you guys foresaw that? I would love any comments you wonderful folk have!

Christmas break is almost over, and I admit to being relieved. Way too much time in front of a computer...I hardly see the people I live with!

Thank you for reading!

PS I'll try to be more punctual.


	7. Chapter 7

Bakura: O_______________O

LD: Uh, yoohoo, anyone home in a certain white crowned cranium?

Bakura: O_______________O

Tea: Is he dead, or do I still have to correct him being alive?

Bakura:I worked for hundreds of episodes in almost ten different seasons to become Pharoh.....and you decide in three puny lines that Tea is the new one?

LD:That's life, or whatever kind of existence you have....., just like I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! The exclamation mark is there because I forget if that's actually part of the title.........

............................................................................................................

Malik saw the school, and he could have cried of relief at his salvation from Tea's domineering conversational tendencies.

Yami, who coincidentally exited a different road to the school at the same time with Yugi and the furious Ryou, actually still was crying from exposure to the terror a ticked off Ryou inspired.

Standing in the entrance with Ishizu, Bakura lamented deeply as he realized the fans had caused his hair to stick out to one side.

Somewhere, in an innocent land whose people just didn't care that much about card games, a young finch chirped an innocent melody to the rising sun.

Then the forces collided, and all -insert word of choice here- broke loose.

"Tea!" "Hi Yugi!" "Greetings, my errant brother.." "Yami?" "Don't 'errant' me, Ishizu!" "I'm surprised you know what errant means, Mal-"

"BAKURA!!!!" Because for a Brit, muffins are the last straw. Bakura had time for one panicked, somewhat effiminate shriek before Ryou hauled him bodily away.

The others were left standing awkwardly. Other students of Domino High-believe it or not, they do exist- started to trickle past them into the building.

"So, ummm," Tea giggled nervously. "Awfully flour-y today, isn't it?" Malik ogled her from the corner of his eyes, and felt sincerely grateful that stupidity was not contagious.

"Listen carefully to me." Ishizu's monotone banished the silence.

Ire flaring, Malik interjected hastily. "I refuse to go back, sister. I love you and Rishid, but I cannot continue in the type of environment you two foster! I want something different; I need it! I. Am. Not. Going. Back!"

Stars sparkling in their eyes, Yugi and Tea stood in awe of his declaration. Surely, it required an incredible resolve to distance yourself from your family and the life you knew! Hearts flashed in their eyes alongside the stars. And, the two sighed in unison and clasped their hands, he did it all for the sake of accomplishing his dream. How wondrous!

"Be that as it may," the priestess's drawl shattered their delusions of nobility and grandeur, "I was not actually talking to you, Malik."

Still operating, the fans supplied an appropriate breeze that whistled through the suddenly still forms.

"Ooooooh burn!" Yami booed as he leaned out from behind his shorter counterpart. His voice seemed to be a stimulant for motion. Yugi, maintaining a serene smile, hit Yami over the head with a frying pan. Twirling around like a ballerina, tutu and all, Yami collided with Tea.

Yugi, hurrying over to her, accidentally smacked her in the head with the pan he still clutched.

Yelping, Tea fell backwards into a giant door. Its name was Seto Kaiba.

"So, how is it that one of you pathetic mongrels always contrive to ruin my day?" His tone was like a blast of winter. Nearby plants withered; all wildlife quickly fled.

Still collapsed against his chest, Tea giggled hysterically. Apparently, being hit in the head with a frying pan was not the best thing for your state of mind, especially in the morning.

Carefully, Malik reached out and tugged Tea away from Kaiba. The lavender eyed boy hadn't expected her to just fall right into him. He blushed as he felt her breath on the skin of his neck, and shifted his arms to support her in a sort of half hug. Mentally, he made a note to examine her head later: her brown locks probably concealed a huge swelling. Observant violet eyes watched him; Yugi smiled gently at the scene.

In the meanwhile, Kaiba had carefully disinfected his coat with his own special brand of KaibaCorp Germ killer spray. With a snotty snort, he began to proceed past. Unfortunately.....

"Look Malik," Tea smiled woozily. "That man's the reason for global warming."

Instantly, Kaiba halted and spun back around to face the still-wobbling girl. "Is that an accusation concerning the environmental impact of my company, Gardner?" His eyes were shooting daggers, KaibaCorp brand.

Malik winced as Tea took no heed. "All the glaciers," she whispered in a voice everyone heard as she leaned closer to his ear, "migrated up his ass."

'Oh Ra,' Malik bemoaned mentally as total destruction broke loose, 'We're all going to die.'

....................................................................................................................................................

'Oh Ra,' Bakura panicked as he was slammed against the lockers by his irate hikari. 'I'm going to die AGAIN!!'

"Now then, Bakura, if you don't mind," Ryou purred menacingly. "What, by the name of Big Ben, made you think you could just skip off with my blooming flour?"

"Well, you see," Bakura sighed inwardly: this was gonna be embarressing. "Ishizu kindasortamumblemumble......"

Ryou cocked an eyebrow and pushed him further into the locker. "Sorry, mate, didn't catch that."

Bakura took a deep breath and tried not to cry. "ISHIZU TOOK MY TEDDY BEAR!!! My precious Mr. Fuzzy! There, happy?!"

"Yes, actually," Ryou smiled as he pressed stop on the tape recorder he had hid behind his back. "Can't wait to get more copoes of these."

Bakura gaped at his receding back, utterly flabbergasted.

"Oh, and by the way," Ryou paused and turned back to Bakura, grim satisfaction on his face. "I expect three dozen muffins to be waiting for me when I return home. Tata for now, you wanker."

And that said, he continued on his way.

Too bad only three steps later he tripped over his shoelaces. Bakura sighed and went to go console his hikari.

..............................................................................................................................................................................

Things were looking a little nasty outside the school. Yami was trying to beat Kaiba over the head with one of the fans, screaming about how 'Penguins have feelings too!' Yugi strived to restrain him, but due to his freakishly short stature- "I'm a late bloomer, damnit!"- he was being whirled around like a leaf in a maelstorm. Joey had showed up out of nowhere and bodyslammed the closest person- a tiny freshman with glasses and braces. Kaiba had screamed at him about having respect for nerds, and it was on.

Tea and Malik stood to the side, wearing mutually freaked out expressions.

"I guess Yami took me seriously when I said that about global warming, huh?"

"I guess so."

They observed the battle for about fifteen more minutes. Ishizu had entered the fray after Kaiba had accidentally fallen on top of her and ripped out a huge hunk of her hair. Tea hissed in sympathy as she saw the bald patch; that would take a while to regrow. Currently, the irate priestess belabored the CEO with a large rock she found on the ground. Finally losing his cool, Kaiba pimpslapped Joey. Unfortunately, he still had Ishizu's hair in his fingers when he did so, and Joey started choking on the hair. Yugi instantly struck his back, causing a huge wad of hair and spit to fly from the blonde's mouth and hit-

"Oh dear." said Tea as Yami flung the fan into the air and ran around shrieking about being blinded by unmentinable substances.

"You know," Tea mentioned. "When he says it like that, it sounds really.."

"Bad." Malik nodded, and they both gagged.

An hour passed, and they both had sat on the ground. Malik brooded, and Tea drew random scribbles in the dirt with a stick.

"You know," Tea drawled, smushing her cheek as she leaned it into her hand. "I don't think we're ever getting in."

Groaning, Malik collapsed backwards. "And this was going to be my first day too... what a lousy way to make a good impression." Tea looked at him sympathetically, then smiled.

"Well, instead, how about I show you around Domino?" She perkily asked.

Malik blearily peeked at her through one eye. "You've got to be kidding me. I've already been here, remember?"

Throwing the stick away-it went up Kaiba's youknowwhere to join the glaciers, Tea rolled her eyes. "Nope, I had no idea. Heck, who the crud are you?" She grinned at Malik.

"Come on, you've been here before, but I don't think you were exactly in the position for a more leisurely, lighthearted perusement of my glorious city?"

Finally cracking a smile, Malik concurred with a drawn out 'Very well'.

"TASTE THE WRATH OF MY SHADOW BIND, YOU RA-DAMNED--"

"That does it Motou, I'm calling my robot army to come kick your impoverished a-"

"JOEY WHEELER WEDGY!!"

"AHHhh! Joey, why'd you dod that to me?!"

"Sorry Yug', my geek destruction instincts kicked in..."

"Actually," Malik gritted out in a forced smile. "As long as we get out of here right now, I really don't mind if you want to take a picnic lunch to Antartica. Let's go."

Somehow on fire, a trashcan flew just above their heads.

Malik looked at the helplessly smiling Tea and glared. "Now."

.......................................................................................................................

There we go, Chapter #7. Almost two months after the last chapter! Please forgive, my precious computer contracted a Trojan virus, and it took forever to purge it.

I hope you like the story. I was wondering about whether to add in some BakuraxTea, or to do BakuraxRyou. Could you please give me your input?

As ever, thanks for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

LD: Ummm, hi ya'll! You'll never believe it. My computer got another Trojan and I lost over 20 pages of work and scrambled 40 pages of poetry. That's why this is so late.

Bakura: That's a damned pathetic excuse

LD: Kinda like your damned pathetic excuse for a brain?

Tea: LD does not own anything pertaining to the original YuGiOh!

....................................................................................................................

"Why does this kind of thing-hic- always-hic happen to me?!!!" wailed Ryou from his new-found home on the floor. With the way his tears were going, it looked like he planned to have a pond installed.

"Due to my-hic accent and inclination to being submissive, I've been bullied-hic ever since I was but a wee littl' lad." He sniffed pathetically.

Bakura raised a skeptical brow. "Since when are you Irish?" Ryou just wailed all the louder.

.....................................................................................................................

Malik knew many things. He knew the chemical equation for cellular respiration: glycolysis, Krebs cycle, and electron transport chain. He could name over a hundred constellations. Malik knew how to hunt, cook, sew, and the basics of healing. Malik knew magic, and he knew the grand beauty of the sun pushing up over the sand dunes of Egypt.

And much more importantly, Malik knew that it was wrong to hit girls. But if that brown haired menace didn't cease and desist that instant, his morals were going to be irreversibly compromised.

"MhhhHmmmmmmmHummmmuumm.." Tea happily hummed as she skipped along, and Malik limped a noteworthy distance behind her, looking for all the world like a kicked dog.

I'm beginning to wonder if maybe the school wasn't so bad afterall, he mentally griped. Tea hit a particularly high note on her humming, and Malik tried to remember if there was any rule against kicking girls instead.

"MimHMmmmmmwmmmm..." Tea continued tonelessly. It was almost worse than being in history class. Without his even realizing it, Malik's pearl white teeth gnashed, producing a sound akin to a dying bullfrog squeezed into a thimble.

"Would you please-"

"Shut up?" Tea finished his request for him. "Sorry. I suppose I 've gotten so used to people expecting that kind of thing from me that it's become automatic."

She walked forward down the slowly stirring street in silence, leaving Malik to try and discern both what she meant by that and why he was feeling so guilty.

.........................................................................................................................................

"THIS ONE'S FOR THE PENGUINS!!!!" Yami howled as he dashed a sac of flour over the sputtering Seto Kaiba.

"WELL THIS IS FOR ALL THE KIDS WHO'VE HAD TO WATCH YOUR DAMN UGLY FACE PLASTERED OVER THE TV SCREEN FOR MONTHS IN A ROW!!!!" Seto roared, buffeting his eternal rival with another of the flour sacs.

"Ya' know, he kinda does have a point there," observed Joey. He, along with the rest of the combatants, had retired to the sidelines as the last two obdurately duked it out in solitude. Although, he did make a point of reaching over and smacking the nerdy kid at least once every two minutes. After all, somebody had to teach the kid the way of the world, right?

"Come, My Giant Army OF PENGUINS!!!!" Yami squealed-a few of the bystanders winced at the pitch. Out of nowhere, an enormous congregation of oddly sized penguins sprang up behind him and began advancing on the flabbergasted figure of one Seto Kaiba.

"WHERE THE HELL DID THEY COME FROM???" He screamed, tripping over his ridiculous Kaiba-brand trench coat as he scrambled away.

"THE SHADOW REALM!!!" Yami screamed back, riding him down on a tutu wearing penguin weilding sushi knives.

"HOW MUCH CRAP DO YOU KEEP THERE ANYWAYS!!!"

"IT WAS WHERE I SHOVED ALL MY STUFF WHEN MA YODELED FOR ME TO CLEAN MY ROOM!!"

"YODELED????!!!!"

"SHE WAS JUST WEIRD LIKE THAT!!!!"

"And the penguins and the CEO and the pharaoh go round and round, round and round..." murmured Joey, slugging the nerd again, just because.

..............................................................................................................................................................................................

"This always happens to ME!" bawled Ryou. The students around them had to pull up their pants as they went by, for his tears had formed a large puddle that was creeping further and further down the halls.

"I'm the one who gets stuck chased by psychopaths, ridiculed by girls even, and I am the ONLY one who EVER ends up sharing the hospital ward with Yugi's GRANDPA!!!!"

Bakura winced; he too had nightmares about that old man: the way he talked in his sleep, what he talked about in his sleep, and his freaky fetish for thongs. Not to mention, the way he got closer and closer to the person he was conversing with, gazing at them unblinkingly. Luckily, Yugi had always burst in at those....awkward moments, devising ways to divert his grandfather's odd attentions.

Bakura almost kissed him for that. Indeed, that was the first reason he had for tolerating the boy's presence. Over time, he found him rather amusing, aside from his seemimg incapability to shut-the-f***-up, and developed an easy friendship with him.

Needless to say, the pharoah almost had a conniption when he found out. Bakura smiled fondly at the memory, causing whoever saw him to run for their lives.

"Why me?" Ryou sobbed. His tears had risen up in depth, meaning the original puddle had spread through the base of the entire school. "I have no love life, no social life, and I get possessed by a revenge obsessed neurotic!"

Bakura's hand, which had been jerkily patting Ryou's back, twitched, and it was all he could do to keep himself from twining it in his counterpart's beautiful, silky, ethereal hair--

and yanking as hard as he could.

The theif took a deep, stabilizing breath. Girls pulled hair, not Tomb Robbers.

"And worst off," the disconsolate Brit groaned. "I have no MUFFINS!!!"

Bakura took another deep, stabilizing breath. Girls pulled hair, not Tomb Robbers. Girls pulled hair, not Tomb Robbers. Girls pulled hair, not Tomb Robbers. Girls pulled hair, not Tomb Robbers. Girls pulled hair, not Tomb Robbers. Girls pulled hair, not Tomb Robbers. Girls pulled hair, not Tomb Robbers. Girls-

Ryou's tears had risen to three feet, and Bakura thought he saw something moving in the water. Longingly, his tan hand twitched over the silky strands. Girls pulled hair, not Tomb Robbers.

......How much did a sex change cost?

..................................................................................................................

Malik sipped at the smoothie Tea had bought for him. Of a delicious strawberry flavor, it sent his tongue into rapture. Although he had tried to decline at first, the obstinate girl had literally forced it into his hands. He kept an eye on her as they walked. After they had delved farther into this mire of a city, her mood had improved, sparking upwards into a giddy excitement that almost frightened him. But her behavior earlier still confused him, and inadvertantly his lavender eyes kept straying back to her form.

Well, he reasoned, no wonder. Tea's face equated to a never ending storybook: her heart shone through her bright blue eyes. Malik shook himself as he realized the gentle smile that had softened his face.

"Good morning Mrs. Roquido!" Tea called to a plump lady airing her laundry from a fourth story apartment. Blowing a gray strand from her face, the woman waved back, smiling merrily.

"Tea!" boomed a hearty voice. Large as a mountain-or Kaiba's ego-a beefy man with a drooping moustache leaned out of a tiny restaurant. "How you doin', girl?"

Tea laughed. "Well enough, Mr. Rosert, and you?"

He flapped his enormous hand in a clear so-so gesture, then departed at the calling of a frustrated customer.

Smiling, Tea strolled ahead, nodding her brunette head to a tune only she could hear. Suddenly she gave a cry, rushing forward. Malik looked around for the cause of alarm, but all he saw was a wriggling heap of garbage. Did garbage heaps in Domino wriggle?

He almost gagged when Tea reached into the mess. Was she dumb? He thought about the humming, the bulb, and her unceasing cheeriness, and decided that the question might be unnecessary.

"Eureka!" Whipping around again, the Egyptian youth gaped as Tea pulled a puppy out of the junk. She tickled its' spotted stomache, laughing. Bemused, Malik ambled to her side.

"Malik, meet Nara. Nara, this is Malik!" Before he could blink, the puppy recieved full access to his face, which it judiciously applied itself to using--with its tongue, of course. Tea extended the furry mass, and he received it, although awkwardly. It constantly squirmed and moved and nibbled- and Malik, for all his worldly experience, had never held a puppy before. After all, Egyptians were more cat-people than dog.

"HEY LOOK! A WEIRD MISTER FOUND NARA!!" And just like that, Malik was tackled to the ground by no less than five grade-schoolers, all screaming at the top of their lungs.

"Surrender Nara, puppy-napper!" A thin voice piped, and Malik found himself staring into the dark blue eyes of a furious kid who looked like she and all hairbrushes were mortal enemies. Even Bakura's hair wasn't that messy!

"Listen kid, I didn't-" An excrutiating pain tore through him as the kid stomped-actually stomped on his shin.

"Ra damn all brats!" he hissed, cradling his leg. A slender hand curled over his shoulder; he heard the brat gasp and he looked up into Tea's concerned eyes.

"Malik here helped me find Nara; he didn't steal her." Tea clarified. "You know how bad she is about running away." This last comment was said with an odd inflection on 'you' and 'running away.' With interest, Malik watched as the kid's face turned red all the way to her forehead. She scuffed a sandal-ed foot against the pavement bashfully. The other kids slowly disentangled themselves from Malik.

The kid who had kicked him held out her arms, and Nara cavorted into them, yipping happily. "Sorry about that," she tossed out awkwardly and nodded for one of the other kids to help him to his feet.

Tea clapped her hands. "Introduction time!" Malik eyed her resignedly. Peppiness that extreme should be illegal. But then again, he mused as she started naming the children off to him, her cheeriness was probably what kept her going in her crazy life. He wondered if things had always been so insane around her, or if life had been calmer in the days before Yugi solved the puzzle.

"And this is Elsa," Tea finished with the smallest of the kids, a timid girl with brown ringlets in pigtails who couldn't be over three. Malik smiled at her; she squeaked and ducked her head, but after a moment, shyly smiled back. Watching the event, Tea felt her own face reflect her cheer. Malik might not know much about dogs, but he appeared well-versed when it came to children.

Or most children, anyways. As the group started to run off, Nara bounding alongside them, the messy haired kid turned back. "If Ra damns all brats," she smirked. "Then I imagine he got you a long time ago. Probably," she said, looking him up and down. "When he gave you your fashion sense." She ran off, leaving hum with his jaw practically touching his knees.

Tea patted him sympathetically on the back. "I guess you can't win them all."

..................................................................................................................................

Once again, I am so sorry for my lateness; I just guess I bombed it, huh? Feedback is appreciated, and I hope to have more up soon. Also, I've decided to put in more pairings. Metaphorical sweets to those who guess right! Here's a hint: there is gonna be yaoi. But I need advice: Joey with Kaiba or Mai?

Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

Bakura:.......I don't want to be a girl.

LD:No kidding? Then what's up with the outfit?

Bakura:-__- You're thinking of Malik, not me.

LD: Oh yeah! By the way- glowers- what's wrong with being a girl?

Bakura:-_______________- Would you like to be a boy?

LD: O_O Point taken. I do not own anything affiliated with the original YuGiOh!

Bakura:.......That's probably a good thing. If you did, episodes would come out every two or three months instead of every week.

LD: I said I was sorry!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

........................................................................................................

Over the next hour or so, Tea learned several important facts about Malik.

One: never let him anywhere near a roller coaster, no matter how interested in them he was. They had gone by a fair set up to celebrate some tournament or other of Kaiba's(the stalls were conspicuously branded with the familiar KC logo). He did fairly well on them, but got so excited that he was liable to take twenty in one go, then stumble around like a drunk, still insisting that he was fine.

When Tea finally wearied of this behavior, she force-fed the Egyptian lad one of Mr. R's special Spicy N Greasy Megasized Tacos. Needless to say, the next ride he went on was his last.

Two: given time, he would probably be able to match her pace at DDR. Upon first having the game explained to him, he struggled to hide obvious disdain. But after watching Tea go a few rounds, he grudgingly clambered up, and after only three times was battling ill-concealed delight. His lithe body, conditioned from necessity since birth, fluidly danced with a grace even Tea slightly envied. By the time they got off, they were both sweating and laughing. Malik, unaccustomed to the exertion, had actually fallen over. The manager then requested they leave, which duly shamed both of them. But Malik whispered a crack about his bald head to Tea on the way out, and as soon as the doors shut behind them they burst out laughing again.

Three: Thankfully, he was almost as scary to fan girls as he was attractive to them. When accompanying Yugi, she always felt obligated to wear heels in case she had to kick a potential assaulter back. The innocent boy had the charm to draw attention, but no means of keeping it at a reasonable or even safe level. Surprisingly, it was even worse with Yami: he attracted more girls than Yugi did, and his strange-and messed up- honor code kept him from glaring at the firls. Although he did accidentally send a few to the Shadow realm.

Still pointing out the features of the city to Malik, Tea internally sighed as yet another pair of burning eyes fixated with murderous intent on her form. She began to wish she had brought pepper-spray, as yet another woman brushed shoulders with her, the contact containing too much force to be unintentional. Then the woman, tall and ginger-haired, snidely demanded an apology from Tea as the brunette strived to maintain her balance. A warm hand steadied her; she stared up into Malik's slightly ticked eyes.

"Say, Tea," he said loudly. "You didn't tell me that Domino had hideous, fat trolls like that stumbling around." The woman stuttered, turned an unholy red, and fled. Tea rolled her eyes. "What can I say, blondie? Every city has its dirty little secrets." She continued walking while Malik gawked at her.

He ran to catch up. "Did you just seriously call me blondie?" She laughed. Well, the fan girl situation wasn't as bad as it was with the two white haired boys. When she, on the rare occasion, strolled with Bakura, her fear for the girls themselves outstripped her concern for Bakura himself. That came from seeing him eat in the school cafeteria. BAD memories there. As for Ryou, well, she just didn't walk alone with Ryou anymore. Last time, she had almost died of suffocation under a pile of lusty girls and boys.

Four: Malik really really really liked motorcycles. If they ever got past their differences, Tea bet he and Tristan could talk for a year straight about their beloved machines. As it was, every time one of them revved by, Malik would instantaneously blurt out the model's year, fine points, and general statistics that were recondite to the poor girl's brain.

"You do realize those things are bad for the environment, right?" She asked him after a 1999 BMW roared by

"So are cars, but you still ride those don't you?" He returned.

She shook her head. "Not anymore."

"Well, for you dancing is a hobby, for me motorcycles are a hobby."

"First thing: Dancing is my future; second: at least my hobby doesn't spew noxious fumes into the atmosphere. The penguins are gonna get you for that."

He smirked. "True, but the factory your ballet shoes and attire is made at spits out a ton of pollution, so I guess the penguins will be the end of us both."

She laughed, and Malik felt a sudden tug at his heart. He frowned. That was the last time he took free samples from that store.

"Still," Tea persisted. "My hobby improves a person's long term health: It's much more exercise then some hyped up machine is."

He gaped at her, an aggrieved look on his face. "Tea, have you ever even ridden one? There is a reason not everyone rides them, you know."

She batted her blue eyes. "Besides from the fact that when your riding one, your obviously trying to compensate for something?"

He snorted. "If you intend to talk compensation, then shouldn't you be referring to Kaiba's dragon plane instead?"

She cracked up, laughing so hard she actually gasped for air. "That's true." She said between laughs.

"Still, I'll concede that dancing is much more exerting than riding a motorcycle. However," plied Malik, a dark truth in his lavender eyes. "Let me put it like this: Would you rather have Yami ride a bike to school, or dance to school in toe-shoes?"

Tea looked sick. "Unfortunately, Malik, he's already done the latter."

Malik stared at her in horror. "Are you jesting?"

"Nope, he was wearing a pink tutu and everything...."

"Oh Ra....."

A sickened silence ensued where both tried to efface from their minds the image of a blushing Yami in tights and a pink, fluffy tutu. Even Pegasus wouldn't go that far.

..................................................................................................................

Somewhere, miles away, in the middle of a nameless ocean on an island known only as F*** THAT S***YOU*******OF A ***********BORN FROM A***********, there is a very sparkly, fabulous mansion.

And in that sparkly, fabulous mansion, there are lots of bodyguards with oddly pointy hair. More importantly, there are numerous and indisputably fabulous floors.

And on the most fabulous floor of them all, there are many fabulous rooms.

And in the most fabulous room, Pegasus is very earnestly snogging his reflection.

.......................................................................................................................

In the end, Bakura rowed out of school on the back of a nameless nerd, using the principal and the librarian as paddles. Ryou sat behind him, sniffling and muttering under his breath.

Then they both got run over by penguins.

Through a darkening vision, Bakura looked up and saw Yami in all his glory, riding the head penguin and wearing a tutu.

"Ra damnn you Pharoah..." He groaned, then passed out.

.....................................................................................................................

Malik learned some things about his new friend on the trip as well: Tea was nice. She was smart. She knew where she wanted to be in life, and she was already working hard to get there. Tea knew everybody, as well as the right things to say to everyone.

Malik stared at the smoothie in his hand. A part of him wished he was more like her.

With a loud slurp, the blue-eyed brunette polished off her own smoothie. "You know", she said quietly, looking out at the people walking by them. "I respect you a lot."

........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

OK, so it's not quite a cliffie, but it's close.

I want to end this by thanking everybody who has been kind enough to review, even with my long abscence. You guys rule, and every time I read your comments it makes me want to run around the room twenty times with a big smile on my face. However, the only time I did that, my mom told me it was really disturbing. Oh well. Hope you like it, and as always, any comment is welcome.


	10. Chapter 10

Bakura: There is a reason Egyptians and penguins do NOT mix.

LD:Oh, just shut up.

Bakura: make me!

LD: .............(grins evilly)

Bakura: O__o Oh crap. Can you please just forget I said that?

Tea: And five minutes of scuffling and one wedgie later.....

Bakura: X_X

LD: ^__^

Tea: ...oh boy.

LD:What? All I did was give him a wedgie and yank on his hair a bit.

Tea: A 5000 year old vengeful spirit with a tender scalp? Go figure. LD does not own any of the original YuGiOh plots or characters.

.............................................................................................................................................................................................

Malik didn't understand. He could ask what she meant, but that would be rather awkward, though not so much as the time he took over her body, he reflected with a grimace. That fell strictly under the category of odd, easily misunderstood, and never to be repeated or brought up as a conversation topic while in the presence of anyone not deaf. Very, very deaf.

Tea aimed and fired, chucking her empty cup straight into the bin. "You had such a terrible childhood." she said softly. "I thought, before I heard about your life, that you were just some random brat, bent on hurting everyone you could just because you could, just because you craved power and attention."

She looked down, then up, meeting his bemused lavender eyes. "Then Ishizu told us the details of your youth, in between gazing off in the distance and grinning oddly, and I, I guess I started to understand. It wasn't as though I ever agreed with what you were doing, but a measure of respect for you still took hold inside of me. It lies far beyond my ability to imagine," her voice dropped, and a struggle for words, for the right words raised flags behind her blue eyes. "to even begin to comprehend what it must have been like, reared from the cradle below ground, away from the world, surrounded by duties passed down for years. I can't fathom being told, from my earliest day, that my whole life would bbe in dedication to someone else."

She smiled a little helplessly. "I have always loved my freedom."

Malik didn't know what to do. No one had ever said: We agree that your childhood was wrong, that your father was wrong, that you deserved better.

No. After the final battle was done, Yami forgave him, and everyone swooned in awe at the Pharaoh's all inspiring graciousness in doing so. And that was that: Yami went on to save the world and lecture more people and Malik went home with the obsessive sister.

"Honestly," Tea continued shyly. "A little bit of me admired what you did. Most people would have simply submitted to the pressure that their family imposed on them, but you defied it and went in pursuit of your own happiness. I had to look up to that, even though it-"

"-Could most definitely been done in a better way?" Malik interjected wryly, having rediscovered his tongue.

She gave a half-shrug. "Yeah, But I think you still, in a weird kind of way, did the right thing."

Malik smiled at her, a true smile that lit his eyes and his heart. Several passerbys fainted. On impulse, he grabbed Tea's hand and kissed it softly. No one had ever told him that, and he felt like he had been waiting to hear it a long, long time.

............................................................................................................................

Tea thought her heart had stopped in her chest. She mentally kicked herself, forcing down the blush that had oddly wanted to rise on her cheeks.

She leaned over, grinning at him. "So, I don't suppose we've been to Weevil's Bug Emporium yet?"

The look on his face was priceless. "H-he has one?" Malik stammered out, looking faintly horrified.

Happily, Tea grabbed his hand, tugging him up. "Yep," she said. "And we're about to go visit it!" He shot her a glance that said clearly: are you mad?

She just laughed. "By the way," she added as she tugged him along. "Bakura fainted when he went in the first time."

"........oh Ra...."

..........................................................................................................................................................

Bakura sneezed, upsetting the piles of paper he was brooding over. So the teachers thought they could order him to oblige their uninspired wishes? He sneered, then threw back his head and cackled. He was no genie in a bottle, they held no power over him!

In other words, he had no intention at all of doing his homework. Oh no. These pieces of mental slavery were on a one way trip to the lavatory, and if Bakura were truly incensed at that point then a few of the assignments would make their way down the throats of some very unfortunate nerds.

Unfortunately, he neglected to take a breath in the midst of his maniacal cackling, and after a few minutes of terrifying old dinosaur bones with his laughter-because the depth of his lair was almost as ridiculous as Yami's hair-he emitted a hideous gargling noise and fell over twitching.

Ryou, miles above on the surface, heard the raspy noise through the walkie-talkie he had planted in what he liked to call : Bakura's Quiet Place. The fact that he detected quite clearly the sound over the noise of the vacuum cleaner he was using boded ill for his albino yami.

Not that he, at the moment, particularly sympathized. Tilting up his dainty nose in an expression of extreme disgust, he turned off the walkie talkie and stomped away, frilly apron swirling about him.

"It's called muffin karma, wanker."

Really, it was Bakura's own fault for deciding to make his lair somewhere in the molten mess of the inner mantle. He just had to try and express his 'uniqueness' again.

Ryou viciously bit into one of the muffins Bakura had timidly left for him. They were KaibaCorp muffins with imprints of duel monsters on them, strictly appealing to the hardcore fan with no life whatsoever. Of course these would be the ones Bakura brought back.

They tasted like crap left out in the sun for a few days.

Running to the sink, Ryou quickly flushed his mouth, gagging like Bakura did whenever he saw a romance preview, or a romance book, or Yami, or puppies, or anything pink, which really rather explained why he didn't quite get along with Tea. Although it could also be the fact that she had kicked him very forcefully you-know-where.

Out of morbid curiousity, Ryou scrutinized the muffin package, skimming through the ingredients. His lovely, chocolate eyes flew open wide; his pink lips dropped open with a small pop as indescribable horror mounted in him

And then Ryou followed his Yami straight into a wonderful land where anything is possible and many things happen that you wish very strongly wouldn't, but no body listens to you.

Aka he fainted.

....................................................................................................................................................................

Yugi sighed and dusted the counter for a third time. Yami and Kaiba were still having at it, even though it was hours later. They had run, Kaiba's oddly spiky trench coat impaling anything stupid or slow enough to get in his way, Yami in his tutu burning the eyes of anyone would didn't turn away in time. The last Yugi saw him, the former Pharaoh also managed to tick off some birds he had accidentally poked with his hair. Well, there had to be some downsides to parading around on a giant, knife-wielding penguin.

He knew he had to be more cheerful; Yami would return soon, gloating over Kaiba's defeat once more.

Although, Yugi reflected, Yami never really did brag so much as he glowed with renewed confidence after every triumph. His expressive crimson eyes would positively burn, and his posture was always just a tad bit straighter.

Yugi sighed and dusted the counter for a fourth time. They never received many customers at this time of day; most people arrived later, hoping to snag a glimpse of the reveled King of Games. The hikari remembered how, every time before appearing to the public, Yami 's eyes would show a hint of fear, a whisper of vulnerability that was quickly smothered behind a cocky facade. The small boy bit his lip, clenching the rag he held tightly. Yami always felt like he had to be strong in front of others, as though simply by existing he owed everyone unshakable protection and reassurance, even if that meant he had to stifle his feelings.

Yugi sighed and dusted the counter for a fifth time. He didn't care that he was just spreading around the dirt anymore; it wasn't like he could actually see over the counter anyways.

"It's a little sad," he mused outwardly. "How much I pay attention to him...."

He dusted the counter a sixth time, and a seventh, and a twentieth, until Yami panted through the doorway, head drooping in exhaustion, pink tutu wilting on his frame.

Yugi turned to him, a huge smile on his face. "Hello Yami!"

...............................................................................................

So his doom took this face, huh? Malik stared dismally at the door that read in bright and fresh letters: Weevil's Bug Emporium.

"What are you waiting for, silly?" Tea bounced up beside him. Stealing a glance at her blue orbs, he corrected himself: the face of his true doom was a teenage girl with brown hair and the bluest of eyes with a smile that made his knees quake.

"Not my fault you're a slow walker." He finally answered. Impatiently, she rolled her eyes.

"Well it is your fault for standing unmoving outside the door for five minutes straight."

"...."

"...."

"....I wasn't sure it was the proper door?"

She looked from him, to the enormous embossed letters, and folded her arms. He glared a little at the sign, and made a mental note to graffiti this place later. Moments later, a hand latched on to his, and he was tugged into buggy doom.

...............................................................................................................................

The mold found itself in a dreadful predicament: boredom. It oozed here, it oozed there, but its boredom followed it infallibly. While at least no one could smile at it, it still found itself puking little blobs of itself at the wall to pass the time.

One slime ball. Two slimeball. Three. Four.

It paused after twenty minutes of the same, when one the blobs it had initially regurgitated began moving. Slowly, the other blobs followed its example.

Soon the first mold had a rabble of molds identical to it all sliming around. It emitted a decidedly inquisitive air before glooping-the mold's equivalent of a shrug. Learn something new every day, it guessed, and slowly oozed off to the ventilation system.

......................................................................................................................................................................

Weevil, sadly, had not attracted many customers today. Lounging over his counter between the cages, he yawned, his glasses slipping down his short nose as sleep insinuated itself in his mind.

"WEEVIL!!!"

He swore, jolting awake. For such a horrid cry to be loosed, was the world about to end? Was the shop on fire? Had some of his more poisonous bugs wriggled their way into freedom?

Oh no, wait, it was just Tea. He blinked, then rubbed his glasses, and squinted out again.

It was just Tea, wearing her usual smile....pulling along former-super villain Malik.....who appeared on the edge of either making a run for it any second, or passing out.

Weevil grinned malicioiusly. Even to a creepy bug-freak, good things occasionally happened.

"Hello Tea," he said through his nose. "What brings you and your friend to my humble place?"

"A very bad idea.." mumbled the tan boy. Still smiling, Tea kicked him swiftly. He smothered a curse with a cough, glaring at his tormentor. Weevil felt like he could sing, although the last time he had tried that, his mother had tried to jump off a skyscraper, so maybe that wasn't such a good idea. Come to think of it though, most of what he did rotated around mediocre to down right stupid-who the heck would try this- imbecilic- idiotic-moronic-dumber than Tristan Taylor ideas. It was a miracle he still breathed.

Even if it was a miracle a lot of people wished hadn't happened. The list of them currently boasted 362 filled slots. He hoped to raise that to 400 before the week was out.

"Malik just moved here," chirped Tea. The boy beside her winced at the noise. "I've been showing him around today."

"Wasn't there school today?" Weevil came out from behind the counter, flipping the sign on the window to CLOSED.

"This coming from the resident 16 year old truant?" Tea grinned, then sighed. "Today it was really bad; we weren't even able to get iin."

Unintentionally, Weevil winced; the fights outside the school were legendary all through Domino. The property damage they inflicted was just as famed.

Uncomfortably, he patted her arm, not failing to notice how the purple eyed boy suddenly tensed. Oh yeah, today was definitely his day.

"It should be alright," he said to Tea, his voice sounding like something on a Singular ad. "I mean, due to the circumstances, the school's stopped counting absences and just goes by the test grades, and they've even made the tests and lessons available online."

Running a hand through her hair, Tea groaned. "Which is the only reason I'm passing, although barely."

Weevil snickered, sounding like a blender with rocks in it. Malik edged away discreetly as the blue haired freak- I mean boy! turned to him.

"By 'barely passing', she means her grade is an A instead of an A+." He confided, a booger dripping down his upper lip- oh wait, that's just a really ugly mole. Malik tried to stop staring at it, but Ra above, that thing could send Bakura running for his life!

....Or unlife, as it happened. The scar he bore during his days as Theif King surely had nothing on that horrible, hairy protrusion!

"So you included my store on your sight-seeing trip," the freak- I mean boy! sniveled. "I must say, I'm honored."

Tea smiled. "Of course I did! It's also a good chance to see how things are going for you!"

Weevil coughed, trying to hide oddly red cheeks. "Well," the freak-I mean boy! returned. "I will never quite be able to express my gratitude for your help in getting me started here." He shot her a smile, an actual honest to bugness smile. If Malik had seen it, he might have decided that anything was possible; that Kaiba had a heart, that Bakura brushed his hair, even that Pegasus could maybe be STRAIGHT!

.............................................................

In a swirling vortex of power, the gods all gasped in unison.

"It is not possible for that man to be straight!" decreed a burly god with a trident and horns.

"It goes against everything this universe runs on!" agreed a beautiful goddess with wispy blue hair and infinite green eyes.

"If even one mind believes it to be possible, it is quite feasible that this world will instantaneously combust." snarled a great pink dragon.

The other gods took a minute to digest its unusual color. "Um, Slifer?" asked one bravely. "Is there something you want to tell us?"

Slifer regarded him stolidly, then fried him with a single attack. "Troubles with the wife," he sighed. "I may have accidentally eaten our pet dog."

After an incredibly awkward moment where everyone did their best to avoid looking at the groaning, burnt god on the floor of the vortex, the goddess spoke again.

"So we are agreed." she pounded her fist onto her invisible table. "Malik Ishtar did not see Weevil smile, because it can not, should not, and is not possible for M. Pegasus to be anything other than flamingly gay!!!"

"Or bi.." supplied one slightly inebriated god. With a twitch of Slifer's flamingo-pink tail, he soon quieted.

...................................................................................................................................

So Malik didn't see the smile. He, even after five minutes, struggled to get over the abomination that was the mole.

"So," the blue haired freak-I mean boy! rubbed his hands together. "How about I show you my latest shipment of Valgesian projectile vomiting grasshoppers? They're almost the size of my head!"

"Wow!" Tea exclaimed. The spectacled freak-I mean boy! puffed up with pride.

"Aren't they amazing?" He held up a cage for their viewing pleasure. Inside, enormous white and purple grasshoppers seethed over each other spitting yellow wads everywhere. Malik practically felt his brain explode. It was one of those moments where the disgust is so intense that it actually morphs into a kind of fascination. Beside him, Tea clapped her hands.

"They are adorable!" she squealed. "How much does one cost?" Blinking, Malik had to remind himself that it was just a few hours ago she got hit in the head with a frying pan. Maybe he should've taken her to the doctor then......

"What kind of food do they eat?" She asked, tapping the glass gently. A second later, that area of the glass got covered with yellow grasshopper puke.

Malik had more pressing questions. "What is that fucking spike on their rear-ends?"

The blue haired freak- I mean boy! resettled his glasses on his tiny nose. "Only one of their more impressive mechanisms!" He declared proudly.

Malik began to understand why Joey punched nerds. "And what does it do?" He pried.

"It shoots acid!" The freak-I mean boy! chortled, the mole on his upper lip bouncing as he did. Malik followed its progress with wide eyes. Where the heck had that thing been back when Weevil played Duel Monsters on TV? How many pixels did it take to hide it? He watched it bounce up and down, up and down. By Ra, that must have taken a whole damn truckload of pixels!

He regretted his lapse of attention when he clued in to the present though. After all, there isn't much out there more terrifying then finding your ditsy next door neighbor just purchased an eight inch tall Valgesiy thingy grass-hopper that pukes up to six feet and shoots acid up to ten.

Well, Yami in a tutu is slightly more scary and a lot more mentally damging but still......

Watching Tea hold up her new pet and coo at it through the acid proof glass, Malik felt a clench in his gut. Tea stroked the side of the glass fondly. "I'm going to call you.... Elizabeth. Elizabeth the Pink! Pinkie, for short."

Both Weevil and Malik took a long moment to digest this. A clock on the wall chimed, a mechanical spider crawling out of it to mark each hour. Feeling a bit like he had just run a marathon, Malik forced a smile in the brunette's direction.

"You do know that nothing about that th- about Elizabeth is pink, right?" He found himself really wishing he had taken her into a doctor.

Tea beamed. "Her spirit is pink!" She turned to Weevil to go over the details of her new pet.

Malik stared at Pinkie. Pinkie stared at Malik, who wished yet again for the Millennium Rod. Pinkie narrowed her red eyes, rather impressive for something without eyelids, and puked in his direction.

"Come back soon Tea!" the freak- I mean....oh who am kidding I mean FREAK! simpered at the girl. He also sent a triumphant smirk the Egyptian's way. Even freaks have their days.

About ten minutes down the road, Malik scratched his head in sudden confusion.

"Is a grass-hopper even a bug?"

Tea shrugged. "Who knows?" She brought the cage up to her face. "But you are such a cute thing, yes you are, I love you Pinkie!"

Malik felt an odd twist as she said those words, a sort of dark whisper that raged at the 'adorable' Pinkie. He sighed. That really was the last time he would eat food from that store.

Pinkie puked his way.

..............................................................................

Once again, sorry it has been so long. You can probably tell, but I intend to have some YugiXYami in this, and MAYBE some RyouX Bakura. I'm also considering bringing yami Malik back and having him go after Tea. Don't quite know yet. As ever, I would love some feedback. I feel like something in my writing is skewed, and your comments would really help me figure it out.

Thanks for reading!


	11. Chapter 11

LD: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bakura: Shut up!

LD:!!!!!!

Bakura: I said shut up!

Tea: I think you should probably know by now that she doesn't care, right Pinky?

Pinky: OnO

Bakura: You shut up too!

Pinky: -spits-

Bakura: AHHHHHH!!!!!

LD: I don't want to be in school anymore! NONONOOOONOOONONONONONO!! By the way, I don't own YuGiOh!. But this plot is mine.

* * *

Malik had to have Tea open his door for him again, seeing as how every time he touched the knob it shocked him half to death.

Right in the middle of the balcony, he had a miniature fit, complete with stomping and babyish punches. His hair looked like nothing more than a Brobdingnagian poof-ball, and Pinky eyed it hungrily.

Tea told him to stop being a wuss, and suggested he wear less jewelry.

With a very indignant, masculine huff, he turned away, shining his very manly bracelets on his very manly mid-riff shirt.

Thousands of miles away, de Nile river gurgled with what sounded suspiciously like a laugh.

"What's taking so long?" he inquired irritably.

Receiving no answer, he gyrated to help the girl open the door, only to find her staring inside his apartment, door happily open in her slender fingers. Malik gave it the evil eye as he went to stand by his dazed friend, dreaming of the day he could take a sledge hammer to it. Abandoning such happy musings, he peered around Tea's shoulder, but could see nothing out of place.

She flushed, feeling his somewhat scornful gaze on her face. "Sorry. Felt a wierd chill for a moment there."

He glared playfully. "It's the vengeance of the jewelry god. You're forever doomed to never be this sexy." With a lazy hand gesture, he indicated himself..

Tea snorted, though she did blush, and shoved him into the building. Malik, as the door was slammed shut behind him and her footsteps pounded away, couldn't help but feel inordinately pleased.

And then he was swarmed by green blobs, and he, understandably- was no longer so pleased.

"WHAT THE SHADOW REALM?!!"

They came slowly, at first, individuals dropping onto him from the ceiling, oozing over his feet from cracks in the floor. From the walls, they came, from the deep impenetrable corners and the riddling cracks, they poured viscuously, speeding in his direction.

Then, of course, there just had to be more.

Swarm upon swarm descended upon him, latching on to his clothes, hair, and skin. Pain flashed through him as they started ingesting whatever they touched- when you're a neon green lump, it's hard to be choosy........

"NOT THE HAIR, D******!!"

He snatched up a lamp, lashing violently out at his nearest assailants. From the ventilation system, the original green blob felt an indescribable twinge of-was that guilt? Nah, it decided. Must just be the after-effects of ingesting the Egyptian's fingertip.

Malik snarled, lavender eyes slitting into peepholes of the fiery underworld. In one hand, he crushed twenty of the green blobs simultaneously, emerald pulp oozing between his slender digits. He threw the pulverized lob into the new wave of his attackers, only to witness them reshape themselves and pirsue him once more.

If I die like this, he thought, it will be the most embarressing thing I will have ever done in my whole freakin' life. And considering the way that whole world domination episode went, my impending demise looks miserable wth a side-dish of post-humous humiliation.'

And so, because he really did not want Bakura laughing at his gravestone for all eternity, he summoned the shadows.

His shadows were not powerful like Yami's, or intimidating, as Bakura's irrefutably were. They both had thousands of years of practice to accumulate a wealth of power and knowledge, both driven by motives so strong the world had trembled at the force of them. Although he supposed that went away the first time Yami wore a tutu. The shadows obeyed one's most strong desires, and the stronger the heart, the more powerful the shadows.

And Malik, for the first time since Battle City, was feeling incredibly, delectably homicidal.

The shadows rose up behind him, over him, a crashing tidal wave of darkness that swept away the hungry green monsters. But even as he was extricated from their grip, the shadows wiggled their way inside him, their insidious fingers sinking into his bronze skin. He tried to scream, but it was muffled by a semi-transparent hand.

The shadows responded to the heart's deepest feelings, to the soul's commands. But unfortunately for Malik, they obeyed his desire to survive by resurrecting that which had been born the first time his life had been in peril, the first time he had called out for something, anything, to save him.

"Did you miss Marik, Malik-kun?"

Malik felt his heart stop. Slowly, carefully, hating every moment, he looked up at his captor. Insane purple eyes greeted him, a demented grin grew a distorted version of his own features.

"Marik knows Marik missed you a lot, Mailk-kun." Marik grinned down at him, large hand smothering the smaller Egyptian. Stricken with horror, Malik stared at the monster reborn, the one who had almost killed him and destroyed the world. The one who had almost led him to kill Tea.

And who should come bursting in his door then?

"At least I'll never be as pompous as you!" It seemed Tea had finally come up with a retort, at very much the wrong time. Her large blue eyes swiveled from Malik to Marik to the dying green blobs, and a little sound emerged from the back of her throat that sounded almost like a drowning cat choking on a bullfrog trying to sing opera while a fly in the background wailed pathetically at the miserable sound. It was quite the cacophony-impressive considering it was only coming from one person.

In the next second, she had swung back out of the apartment, nimbly dodging a shadow that clutched at her slender ankles. Emphatically, the door slammed shut behind her.

"Marvelous," spat the deranged semi-solid spirit. "The little bimbo has gone to fetch the Paroah, no doubt. But she'll be a while; his aura is far, far away. Too far," he grinned maniacally. "For any help to reach you."

Malik glared at him solidly, hissing into the mad-man's palm. Marik held a hand to his ear mockingly. "Sorry, Malik-kun, Marik didn't catch that."

To his surprise, a section of the shadows were ripped from his control and coerced him away and down. Malik, standing above him, unleashed a murderous stare upon his translucent person.

"Don't you call her that." he stated with a terrifying level of calm. "Don't you dare."

Marik only smiled his insane smile. He rose, quicker than a serpent, and pinned Malik against the nearest wall. "Marik didn't mean to make Malik-kun upset." He purred menacingly. "Marik will make it all better." And he wrapped his broad hands around Malik's throat, and he squeezed.

Eyes widening, Malik wheezed for air, striving to move even one of his captured limbs. His frustration mounted, but so did his weakness as the seconds without oxygen deprived him of sense, feeling, and, as seconds wizened into minutes, sight. He spasmed uncontrollably in Marik's relentless grasp, while Marik just grinned wider and wider.

From the ventilation shaft, the original blob was now suffering extreme guilt. Or was that indigestion? The world will never know. It had just about resolved to aid its wheezing roomate when a loud bang rang through the dorm, along with a brief shudder from some loud impact and a muffled yelp.

Tea Gardner stood in the doorway, the frying pan in her hand still vibrating from hitting Marik's head so hard. He, currently, was incognant at her feet. With her free hand, Tea steadied Malik.

"Sorry it took me so long," she apologized. "I couldn't get ahold of Yami-the idiot still thinks the cell phone's possessed, and the frying pan was in the sink."

Even as he looked at her gratefully, and a bit freaked-outedly, she hefted her frying pan again, expression resolving into one of battle-ready horror.

"They propagated?" She breathed, and Malik saw that some of the blobs were stirring obdurately.

"You tie up Marik." she asserted, striding boldly onto the field of battle. "I'll deal with the blobs."

And even as he realized that, along with many of the blobs, his scarce furniture was being dashed to bits in the ensuing crashes and bangs, he couldn't bring himself to deny that the sight of her, blue eyes flashing, brown hair waving, frying pan about to splatter an unfortunate blob, was something he'd never forget.

* * *

The first thing Marik saw, as his mind painfully stumbled back towards consciousness, was a light bulb.

The second thing he saw, blinking fuzzily, was the smiley face drawn on the light bulb.

'Greetings, dim one. Is it just me or is your filament a bit loose?' Bartley smiled eerily.

"Oh, he's up!"

The third thing Marik saw was a frying pan, waving menacingly in his face.

"Now then," came a feminine voice that very much failed at being intimidating. "Tell us why you are here!"

"Uh, Tea?" interjected a sarcastic voice he knew too well, "I already know why he's here."

"Oh...............oops."

Marik groaned and stirred, reaching outwards. A muffled squeak acknowledged his motion, then the frying pan filled his whole world again, and over the bang of it hitting his singularly hard yet translucent skull, all he could only hear his own bemused thought: It tastes a little like burnt eggs..................burnt eggs...........eggs.....

Malik clapped a hand on the quaking Tea's shoulder, who stammered out apologies as fast as she was able.

"It's probably a good thing that we don't have to worry about him getting brain damage." he decided. Beside him, Tea finally expended the totality of her air supple and fainted onto the floor. Hefting her limp body up, Malik emended his statement. "We might still have to worry about you."

The second time Marik woke up, it was to something cool lying on his aching head. His wrists and feet were bound with what appeared to be knee high stockings, and he was sprawled over a bright pink bed. He groaned. This was fashion karma for the crappy cape, wasn't it?

He tried summoning the shadows, but the pounding in his spiky head escalated sharply, and he abandoned his efforts in favor of moaning out a stream of expletives that made the air crackle in distaste.

Bartley smiled down at him. 'Your filament is definitely loose,' the bulb concluded smugly. 'You are no competition for the radiant Bakura. By the way, did you actually intend to shape your hair in order to make a porcupine neon with envy?'

Marik grinned and lunged for the offending bulb with his teeth. Well, he never was known for his thinking capacity, and Malik was probably on to something concerning the brain damage.

Bartley popped out in an effort to minimize Marik's visibility. Before the porcupine wannabe could even make an attempt on his electrical current, an inhuman roar of rage filled the air.

"BARTLEY! WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT SLACKING OFF!!" Light flooded the tiny room as the door flew open. Teeth still bared, Marik slowly rotated his head to face Tea, who had processed the situation with a speed that came from many years being a dead-man's friend and multiple attempts on her life during said years.

"Marik! Are you so hungry that you're trying to eat Bartley? Oh, I'm so sorry, I should've realized it before...." However, her ability to correctly interpret situations still needed quite a bit of educating.

Barely able to believe his interpretation of the light waves disrupted by her words, Bartley could only flash out in Morse code something about serious brain damage before fizzling away in a horrified stupor.

A few minutes later, Malik walked into her apartment to find Marik seated in her only chair, being served eggs from the same frying pan she had hit him over the head with.

"Brain damage," he snapped, then had to sit down himself, only on the floor.

* * *

Far, far away, in a place few dared to tread, Yami looked up abruptly. "I sense a disturbance in the force." He intoned ominously.

"Dude, that's your hair," responded a nerd dressed like R2.

In a nearby corner, Yugi banged his rather large head repetitively against the wall slathered with posters of Jedi and light sabers, or, as he liked to call them, little green freak-Yoda, his groupies, and the leftover glow-sticks from Halloween. But he dared not breathe a word of his internal misgivings for fear of being torn apart, marinated, and likely used as an offering to aforementioned green freak. For he was in the heart of evil, the epitome of danger-A Star Wars Convention.

A sudden shout made him quail. Nearby, a girl dressed in a strange metallic suit pummeled a boy dressed like Anakin.

"Skywalker didn't deserve Padme!" squealed the girl, throwing the wannabe Jedi into a poster of Obi-wan.

"Padme didn't deserve Anakin!" The boy tackled her into a nearby table. Shivering, Yugi huddled in closer to the wall,praying for salvation. He closed his eyes as the brawl escalated into riot. That was the problem with these things; no one could have a quiet dispute-everyone had their own distinctive opinion and would massacre all who disagreed.

He whimpered as sudden loud breathing interrupted his desperate 'Please let me live on without severe mental trauma or seriously crippling injuries as that would kind of suck and please please let me live and leave' speech. He looked up, and for the first time in his life wished it was Dartz instead. After all, no one likes to see Darth Vader staring back at you.

He made a very small 'eep' as a gloved hand was thrust in his face. "Join the dark side, Luke," a mechanical voice intoned. "Or I will no longer be so magnaminous."

Quaking in his various faux leather buckles, Yugi wondered whether or not it would help to mention that his name, was, in fact, not Luke. Probably not.

* * *

Malik glared at Marik and Tea both. The former merely grinned sheepishly as the latter stuffed his face with eggs.

"How is he even eating?" Malik burst out. "For Ra's sake, he's see through!" In morbid fascination, he watched the eggs get chewed by Marik, then followed their passage down his throat and into his stomach.

"Well." Tea struggled to smile. "It almost makes up for the biology lesson we missed yesterday!"

Malik laughed a sweet, gentle laugh. It was utterly fake. "Not really!"

* * *

Bakura sang the Doom song under his breath as he descended the many, many , many, many miles into his lair. Finally touching the ground, he came to a rather horrid realization: the light switch was back at the top of the ladder, and he had neglected to turn it on.

'Ryou!' he screamed through his mental link. 'Ryou, turn on the lights for my supersecretevillair of ultimatedoom!'

Ryou did not answer, because Ryou did not find the demanded muffins waiting for him after he came home from school. Indeed, Ryou's Britishness had called for even more serious a punishment. So now, Ryou was happily burning all of Bakura's belongings in a bonfire on their front lawn. The Brits will always have the last say!

Miles, miles underground, Bakura waited in the dark. And he waited. And waited. He started to fidget slowly.

'Ryou?' he called plaintively. 'Ryyyooouuuuuuu??'

Miles and miles and miles above, Ryou smiled gently as he threw Bakura's favorite hoodie onto the roaring flames. Payback is a Brit.

Becoming a bit antsy, as his light would say, Bakura groped about for the ladder, only to trip and land on his face. Swearing, he stood, only to slam his head into a lower section of the ceiling.

He stared forlornly into the darkness. Which way was up again?

* * *

"So," Tea cleared her throat and sat down in front of the no longer transparent Marik. Oh the wonderful properties of eggs......

He fixed her with his perpetual half-mast gaze. "Marik is not going back. Marik has his own body now- he is going to live."

"And blow how many things up in the process?" Malik asked under his breath.

"i wonder if it gets confusing to refer to yourself in third person all the time...." Tea mused. "Well," she addressed the spiky-haired male across from her, "We're going to have to establish an identity for you, a convincing story for everybody as to your appearance, and, most importantly, rules of conduct for your stay."

From her cage, Pinkie spat a thick wad of acid that sizzled through the floor, her apparent way of saying ' You will obey or else.' Or maybe a better translation would be 'I'm freaking bored, let's see who I can make squirm or dissolve into goo.'

"We'll work on indoor training later." Tea grinned sheepishly. "Sure hope that didn't go through any important pipes....Right. So, here is a list of things you are permitted to do. With anything else, you're going to have to ask for permission first."

Malik raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it normally a list of what you're not supposed to do?"

She smiled grimly, replying. "I thought this way would be shorter." She handed the taller Egyptian a sheet of paper, which read thusly:

**MARIK'S CAN-DO LIST **:) (flowers and hearts here)

carry out NORMAL bodily functions- breathing, eating, sleeping, etc.

go to school PEACEFULLY

make friends that aren't for the sake of world domination or any other evil intention

learn that smiles do not generally involve sticking one's tongue out about a foot- that should be reserved for giraffes only

become a wonderful citizen concentrated on bettering humanity and the environment! :)

pursue the perfect dream of a happy world!

pet bunnies sweetly :)

listen to Malik and me

sing happy songs and dance!

Malik, reading the list over Marik's shoulder, looked at her with a kind of horrified awe. "What insane, twisted world do you live in?" he breathed. Tea rapped a hand warningly on the frying pan, and Pinky spat a glob that sizzled through the wall. Once more interpreting things her own way, Tea instantly cooed over how cute it was that Pinky was defending her. Pinky spat a hole through the frying pan.

Tea stared at the hole. "If I didn't find profanity so demeaning," she promulgated, "You have no idea what I would be saying right now."

Malik grinned at her. "Oh? 'Cause I recall you cussing the lights out of Bakura recently, then using him as your carpet."

She smiled blissfully in remembrance. "That had to be the greatest day of my life."

Irrationally, Malik felt a stab of anger at Bakura, a little snarl of envy that was completely illogical, directed at how he, albeit inadvertently, had made Tea smile like that. He clapped a hand to his head. The trauma of the day must really be getting to him.

Marik interrupted his confusion, tapping Tea on the shoulder. "Excuse Marik, but Marik doesn't understand most of these words."

* * *

Yugi stared up into the masked face that represented his doom. "Umm," he gabbled. "Can I get a rain check on that decision?"

Dark, heavy breathing ensued, somehow condemning his weak words.

"Luke, I am your father. As I helped bring you into this world, now I help you leave it." The masked maniac drew forth, of all things, a baseball bat painted red. Let's see, there's a clue that you might need help: toting around a baseball bat painted like a lightsaber and hitting innocent people. Yugi thought it might go something like this:

CrazyDarthVaderfreak: Hello doc (heavy breathing)

GentlySmilingGuyinaWhiteCoat: Hello demented freak-I mean esteemed patient.

CrazyDarthVaderfreak: I had another dream. (heavy breathing)

VaguelyInterstedWhiteCoatDude: Oh? (pushes up glasses)

CrazyDarthVaderfreak: Yoda kept laughing at me, and he sent hordes of frogs up my pants legs.

(Awkward Silence)

ConcernedGuyinaWhiteCoat: And how did that make you feel?

CrazyDarthVaderfreak: pretty clammy actually. (heavy breathing)

Rudely interrupting his daydream, the impostor Darth Vader hauled back with his, ahem, 'lightsaber', preparing to strike. Yugi, backed into a corner, shook in his strangely pointy black shoes and tried not to think about how much this was going to hurt- both in body and ego. This was like a replay of the days before he had solved the puzzle, before he had met Yami. He smiled involuntarily. Yami who cared, who helped and respected him. And, okay, Yami who often pranced around in a tutu.

Yami, who called him-

"AIBOU!!!!"

The whole room froze, watching in a stupor as Yami vaulted over several fan's heads and body-slammed CDVf into the wall. He knelt, taking Yugi's hands into his own.

"Are you alright, hikari?" His ruby eyes gazed into Yugi's stunned violet ones, holding endless concern and care.

Yugi twitched. "Oh my duel-disk," some people fainted from the profanity, "that creep hit me so hard that I'm hallucinating."

* * *

Tea stared at Malik's handiwork critically. "Not to be rude," she decreed. "But I've seen rabid seven foot tall mountain men look more subtle than this." She indicated 'this' with her hand, the broad gesture including Malik, Marik, and Malik's failed attempt to disguise Marik.

"Don't give me that!" snapped Malik. "You have no idea how traumatizing it was to get him into that!"

Tea scoured the humming Marik with her eyes skeptically. "Looks pretty content to me." She hefted her school bag.

"Well, I only have my own uniform, and you know they don't let people in unless they're attired correctly-not counting the tutu and trenchcoat psycho pair-and since we can't leave him here alone-"

"I know," Tea finished morosely. "He had to wear my spare uniform instead."

Marik smoothed the short skirt with a hand, twirling about experimentally. The knee socks strained to contain his muscular calves, and the seams at the shoulder continuously emitted an ominous ripping sound. Still, he looked better than any boy other than Ryou should be allowed to in that kind of outfit. Not that the others didn't try, though.

* * *

Somewhere in a pink sparkly castle on an island we wish was farther away, Pegasus gyrated before a mirror, appreciating his image.

"Well, aren't we pretty," he chortled, blowing a kiss to his reflection. He swished the skirt about his thighs, taking a second to plump the pink bow on the top. "Pretty Sailor Pegasus to the rescue!"

Behind the door, his bodyguards exchanged numbers for therapists.

* * *

"Why did you even insist that we attire for school anyways?" Malik grumbled, trying futilely to ignore his evil, cross-dressing counterpart who was currently tieing a spare pink sock of Tea's into his hair as a bow.

Tea took pity on him, pulling his hair into a neat pony-tail and constructing a lop-sided bow. "Wish I had a ribbon," she mumbled. "And, my woefully mistrusting neighbor, we are dressed for school because we are going to school."

Malik put his hand on her forehead. "You don't seem to have a fever. I'm not sure that makes me feel better, though." Indeed, the second his hand had touched her forehead, his heart had started pounding. Frowning, he checked his own head, then asked her: "Have you really forgotten the fiasco of this morning when we tried to have school?"

Instead of answering, she asked them both. "Can you keep a secret?"

Malik and Marik looked at one another, for a second completely aligned in their emotions. "Have you forgotten that I managed to conceal from my own family both the existence of a demented alter ego and my intentions to take over the world for years?"

Tea widened her eyes innocently. "Just checking! Jeez....I'll take that as a yes. So," she opened the door and stepped out into the cool evening air. "Are you guys coming to the secret-night-school-established-by-yours-truly or what?"

Hesitantly, Malik followed her, dragging along Marik. "You set up another school after hours?'

Marik stepped on his foot. "That's what Tea-scary said, Malik-pretty."

Tea smacked her face. "Really. That's what I get for talking through a frying-pan."

"Well, on the up side," Malik grinned. "I'm alive."

She regarded him, then turned away. "That's what I get for talking through a frying-pan...."

"Hey!" Malik protested. She laughed; he glowered. She stuck out her tongue; he snorted, then chuckled.

Marik watched uneasily, a dark feeling curling upwards in his newly created stomach. "Marik can do that better!" he interrupted. "See!" And he stuck out his own tongue, which he was indeed creepily good at. Coupled with the skirt and knee-sock pig-tail, it was a bit unnerving.

"I think I should have been more specific about that on the list..." sighed Tea. She turned watery eyes on Malik. "Do you think poor Pinky will be alright while we're away?"

"Honestly?" said Malik. "I'm more concerned about your poor apartment."

* * *

AN Hey guys, I'm sorry it's been so long. I've been in something of a rut because of some family issues, but thank you for reading and constructive criticism will fill my little heart with joy! Ehem...yeah....I'll try to update soon!


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